See Ya Sister

I think my bff and I have grown apart. We have been friends for almost 20 years and we used to have some really great times. We live over 1000 miles apart now and we have almost nothing in common. She just had her second kid and is staying home now to be with both children. It seems like lately, I find her a bit snotty. We don’t talk on the phone much but when we do it’s either about her kids or something really shallow. We seem to have grown up and in different directions. We have about the same household income but they live in a huge house with no furniture in it and drive brand new vehicles…which my husband and I think is silly. I try not to judge, though. Her husband is awfully rude and I’ve never liked him but since she married him, I’ve always been cordial. Here’s my question; do I continue this friendship?

Well. Let me just get to the point on this.

A. You are being judgmental so try harder.
B. You have grown apart-and that’s okay.
C. Why maintain a friendship with someone that you don’t really like?

It’s time to cut the purse strings on this one. People grow apart and change. Sounds like neither of you will feel a great loss. Go out and find yourself a new BFF!

Wishing you the best-
Maggie

To The Moon Alice

Dear Maggie-
I'm 16 and I have had a boyfriend for about 8 months now. I really love him and he loves me but the other night, we got into a really big fight. I got mad at him because one of my friends told me that she saw him at the movies with a Senior! He said she is making it up...but she has been my friend since 3rd grade, I don't know what would make her make something like that up. Anyway, I told him I didn't believe him and it was over. Ever since then, he's been calling and sending flowers and that's been nice but I don't know what to do. What if he cheats on me again? I don't want to waste my time but I really do love him.

This is a common email...but not necessarily from a teenager. 16 is young to be so serious but then, when I was 16 I didn't think that so I understand. This is a decision you'll have to make with your heart and your head...not just one or the other. Ask yourself: Did he treat you well otherwise? Have you had a reason to mistrust him other than this incident? Have you noticed that he flirts with a lot of girls? Does he seem disrespectful to you or your friends? If the answer to these questions are no, you may consider just going on a couple of dates with him to see how it goes. If even one of the answers to those questions is yes, he's no good girl and you deserve better!

Wishing you the best-
Maggie

Put Those Puppies Up!

There is a girl I work with that wears very revealing blouses to work all the time. As a fellow woman, I'm tiring of working hard to be taken seriously in the same office as Ms. Cleavage. The guys love it, of course. Should I say something to her?

Cleavage problems, eh? As a woman of considerable cleavage myself, I find it best to keep the girls well covered during the day. The men, particularly, seem to look at my face more when I am speaking. I have discovered, however, that some women just don't care as long as they get some attention.
If there is a dress code where you work, go talk to your HR representative. If there isn't...and you want to say something, be kind. She may just have no class and not realize she is offending others.

Wishing you the Best
Maggie

Back Off People!

Hi. My husband and I were recently told that we could not have children without in-vetro or other interventions. (We can’t conceive naturally.) We are in our late 30’s and weren’t sure about having children in the first place so really, we are relieved. The problem is other people. If we are asked if we have kids, we say no. Then we are asked why, to which we simply say, “We can’t have children”. We receive a flood of options, stories and other unwanted opinions and advice. How can we politely tell folks we really don’t want their advice on this subject?

Do gooders. Un-wanted opinion givers, if you will. Not a fan myself but hey, to each their own. So, what to say to these overzealous baby lovers? Nothing. You don't need to explain your position or yourselves. If you are comfortable saying 'We can't have children', great. If one wants to give you an opinion like that, smile and nod. Your lack of answer should be a pretty clear indication that you don't want to talk about it. If it's not a clear indication a nicely toned, "we'd rather not discuss it" is appropriate. Enjoy your baby-less lives...you deserve to live with or without children, whatever makes you happiest.

Wishing You the Best-
Maggie

Just Say No!

One of the guys I work with is constantly asking me to do his work for him. He was brought in by the boss, they are best friends. This guy isn’t my boss but he treats me like he is. I have learned to say no to some of the things he asks but he still seems to find ways to get extra work on my plate. He is very insistent about controlling what is said to corporate, which is putting me in a bad position. How do I handle this guy?

Hmm. This is an interesting question. My first instinct is to tell you to just say NO. What is the guy going to do, go to your boss and tell him “he won’t do my work for me!”? But then, he might. Still, your best bet is “I would love to help you but I have a lot on my plate today.” A visit to HR about this probably would help you as well.
I’m not exactly sure what the relationship is with corporate but when it comes to representing company facts, I’m always of the opinion that honest is the best policy. If nothing else, direct the person from corporate directly to your peer and let him say what he wants to say.

Wishing you the best-
Maggie