Back Off Lady!

My question is about my mother-in-law. I have been married to my husband for two years now and my MIL is really mean to me. She often says rude things to me when my husband isn't around. She calls our home several times a week, insisting on talking to 'her son' and barely acknowledges me on the phone. She insists we come over every Sunday for dinner, which would not be so bad except Sunday is the only day my husband and I have off together. I have tried to be kind to her and simply do not respond to her rude comments but it doesn't seem to be helping. What to do?

Ah, Mother In Laws. I have one myself who tends to be difficult but that's a story for another blog. It sounds to me like some boundaries need to be established...by your husband. It's his mother. If you haven't sat down and spoken with him about this, do that now. Be honest about your feelings but also remember to be caring and respectful when speaking to him about his mom. He needs to sit down with her and explain that this behaviour is hurtful and is not acceptable. It is also reasonable for him to say, "Mom, we enjoy coming over on Sundays but we need some alone time as well. In order to do that, we are going to start spending every other Sunday alone. We are happy to come over every other Sunday instead." If she is agreeable, great. If she isn't agreeable, a simple "I'm sorry you feel that way but that is what will work best for us" will suffice.

It's early in your marriage and often family members just push to see how far they can get. They will respect your wishes once they know the rules. Sometimes, however, family members can be obtrusive and boundaries aren't respected. In those situations, it's best to limit your time and keep yourself at an arm's length.

Wishing you all the best-
Maggie