Back Off Lady!

My question is about my mother-in-law. I have been married to my husband for two years now and my MIL is really mean to me. She often says rude things to me when my husband isn't around. She calls our home several times a week, insisting on talking to 'her son' and barely acknowledges me on the phone. She insists we come over every Sunday for dinner, which would not be so bad except Sunday is the only day my husband and I have off together. I have tried to be kind to her and simply do not respond to her rude comments but it doesn't seem to be helping. What to do?

Ah, Mother In Laws. I have one myself who tends to be difficult but that's a story for another blog. It sounds to me like some boundaries need to be established...by your husband. It's his mother. If you haven't sat down and spoken with him about this, do that now. Be honest about your feelings but also remember to be caring and respectful when speaking to him about his mom. He needs to sit down with her and explain that this behaviour is hurtful and is not acceptable. It is also reasonable for him to say, "Mom, we enjoy coming over on Sundays but we need some alone time as well. In order to do that, we are going to start spending every other Sunday alone. We are happy to come over every other Sunday instead." If she is agreeable, great. If she isn't agreeable, a simple "I'm sorry you feel that way but that is what will work best for us" will suffice.

It's early in your marriage and often family members just push to see how far they can get. They will respect your wishes once they know the rules. Sometimes, however, family members can be obtrusive and boundaries aren't respected. In those situations, it's best to limit your time and keep yourself at an arm's length.

Wishing you all the best-
Maggie

Fish or Cut Bait

My question is about my boyfriend. We’ve been dating for just over three years now and I’m beginning to wonder where this relationship is headed. He never mentions marriage and if I bring up the future, he simply changes the subject. He says he loves me and he’s happy living together. I want to have a family and I want to be married to the man I love before I have my first child. I’m going to be 32 next month.What should I do?

Well, this is a common question and I'll tell you there really is a simple solution. After 3 years, the man knows what he wants. He seems happy with the arrangement as is. And frankly, who can blame him? As it's said; "why pay for the cow when you can get the milk for free?" Look, I'm not going to get all old-lady on you here but before moving in with someone the marriage conversation should have happened. You are going to have to sit down and in a very loving, kind and dignified manner tell your man it's time to s**t or get off the pot.

Wishing you the best-
Maggie

Ask Maggie Intro

Welcome to Ask Maggie!
I've had people asking me advice for years and I decided to dedicate a place to questions and answers of some of my favorites. Of course, I'll take new questions and answer them as I can as well.

I'm not a licensed psychologist so don't expect my word to be the gospel. Having said that, I have been told a million times thank you for giving very sound advice. I warn you that I tell it like it is. If you don't want to hear the truth, don't write and ask me the question!

So, here's to you and me and all of the Q & A's in the world. I doubt we'll ever find the answer to every question but hey, we can try!